Often, what I did find was very short, lacked substance, and did not provide the background that would enable me to understand what pushed me finally over the edge. These explanations also lacked a 'human' element with which I could identify and compare to my own shattering experience. Consequently, they weren't much use to me which is a shame. Because I guess I figure that if I can better understand the causes, I can safeguard myself from any re-occurrence of this horror.
To overcome these shortcomings I'd like to share with readers: first, what I have found on the Internet regarding causes of nervous breakdown, and second, what I believed triggered mine.
What the Internet Says
Not much, is what I've found. I Googled "causes of nervous breakdown" and I came up with little. And what I did come up with were so broadly defined as to be almost useless to me. The Discovery Health website states that nervous breakdown is caused by "immense pressure, mental collapse or mental and physical exhaustion". An entry in Wikipedia suggests that underlying causes include failing relationships (separation and divorce), financial problems, and problems at work and school. Native Remedies provides a more exhaustive list including
- Stress
- Depression
- Alcohol and drug abuse, particularly cocaine
- Genetics (family history)
- Coexisting medical conditions, such as vitamin deficiencies, thyroid disorders, movement disorders, skin and limb problems, etc.
- Anxiety surrounding major life changes or disorders, such as pregnancy/after birth/labor, menopause, etc.
- Schizophrenia
- Extreme guilt or emotional problems
In short, and like many areas of human psychology and psychiatry, I suspect that the professionals are a) not quite sure what leads to a mental breakdown and b) should a person be experiencing a breakdown, and instead of using that definition, are determined to pigeon-hole the sufferer into a diagnosis that meets current, and sometimes inappropriate, practice. In other words, a sufferer that can no longer cope is classified, perhaps, as depressed, anxious, bi-polar, psychotic, or any number of other sub-classification. The problem with such classifications is that these can lead to inappropriate treatment.
In my humble opinion - and once again, I warn that I am not a professional - my nervous breakdown was caused by a wide range of trigger, many building over time but continually added to, which finally overwhelmed me.
Genetics and Stress
Genetic Predisposition - a wide range of research indicates that there is a statistically relevant correlation regarding mental illness, a predisposition to same, and hereditary factors. In other words, if a member of your family or ancestry has had a mental illness, you are more vulnerable to it. In my case the deck was stacked against me. My paternal grandfather had a breakdown, I'm told. My maternal aunt suffered from severe depression and committed suicide. My mother suffered from a variety of mental illnesses. That said, she managed to cope and eventually recovered.
My genes made me vulnerable to breakdown or other mental illnesses. When I think back, I realize that I was - and am - possibly more susceptible to nervous breakdown than others. I have always been a 'nervous type'. Even as a teenager, I suspect that fear of the unknown controlled me, or influenced me, more than others. Also, I was and still am a rather sensitive type. My feelings are easily hurt. I have never coped well with stress. That is all part and parcel of my genetic makeup - those characteristics with which I have little control. Consequently, and though I didn't know it, I was predisposed to suffer from a nervous breakdown or other mental illness.
Stress - if you look carefully through the information available on the Internet, one of the biggest factors leading to nervous breakdown is stress. Stress, as we all know, is a part of living. Good stress motivates us to do well or to protect ourselves and those that we love, or to take a risk for our own benefit. Bad stress, on the other hand, can undermine our sense of well-being. And if one is hit by too much bad stress it can result in catastrophe.
Which is precisely what happened to me. Thinking back on it, a whole range of stressors were at work that eventually led to my breakdown:
I am an Expatriate - years ago, I moved to Ireland. I have done my best to settle here. But the stress of being an immigrant can be ongoing. In my case, I constantly had to work at fitting in. I constantly had to work at making myself feel at home. Occasionally, I was accosted by bigotry and xenophobia on the part of those that I met here. Being an immigrant is always hard work. The stress can be ongoing.
Business and Work - I owned a couple of businesses. They demanded a great deal of time, and they were continually stressful. Working weeks could often approach 80 hours or more. When the economy hit a downturn, the stress became more acute. Being a 'Type A' I continually pushed myself. I worked more and more hours. I worried more and more about the future. I knew that I had taken on too much but I wasn't sure what to do about it. Often, I felt trapped, alone, and under continual pressure. When I delegated, the work wouldn't be done. When I didn't delegate, the work added more pressure on me.
Marriage - if I admit it, my marriage wasn't satisfying either to myself or to my now ex-wife. The house was often filled with an underlying tension. We did not communicate well or easily. We might argue but rarely were issues fully resolved. I felt guilty about the situation, believing that I was much to blame. As the years went on, the stress in our relationship grew. Before I finally left the house, only months before the breakdown, I was suffering from so much stress that my hands shook and I couldn't sleep.
Separation - but leaving the house did little to help my situation. I felt guilty that I had let down and failed my wife and children. I felt ashamed that I had finally left. My family's reaction didn't help. Phone calls were full of bitter, hate-filled, and accusatory language. My sleeping patterns became more disturbed. Living alone, I was filled with loneliness and fear. My stress levels grew greater.
Finances - these also began to suffer. I worried about the future. I was determined to continue to support my wife and children as I had long promised to. Not supporting them was not an option, nor should it have been, nor will it ever be. But this added to my stress levels.
Depression and Anxiety - I became depressed. Coupled with high levels of anxiety, my sleep was further disturbed. Concentrating became difficult. My appetite suffered. I fought this with exercise and anti-depressants, but I know that at that point I was having very real trouble coping with life. My 'pressure cooker' - in other words, my ability to cope with stress - had become full. I didn't know it then, but it would take only a few more stressors, even small ones, to push me over the edge.
A Tsunami of Stress Leads to Nervous Breakdown
Looking back at it, I now realize that my nervous breakdown was not caused by one event but rather a series of ongoing high-stress situations that pushed me first to the edge and then beyond, and off a cliff that was nervous breakdown. Genetically, I was set up for a breakdown, and more vulnerable to one. Add to that a childhood that was filled with stress, then pile on the ongoing stress of living life as an immigrant, the stress of a failed marriage, business and work-related stress, feelings of guilt and the shame of failure, and you had me: a fellow ready to implode. Which is exactly what happened.
Looking back, I could have taken other actions and made other decisions that may have prevented the breakdown or at least made it less severe. I could and should have taken a long vacation from work. I could and should have sought more appropriate medical and counseling support, and sooner rather than later. I could and should have talked to my family earlier about what I was feeling and what I was fearing (though I don't know that they would have understood or have been able to help).
But I took none of these actions. Instead, I became vulnerable to the world around me. And as I've described in other posts, the situation soon grew beyond my control.
If you, or a person you know, is experiencing high levels of stress; if those stressors are battering you from different directions, frequently, and without mercy; if you are having trouble sleeping, having trouble eating, and you are suffering from depression and anxiety - my only advice is to urgently care for yourself. See a counselor that deals in these areas. Share with friends or family. Take time for yourself and treat yourself gently.
Allow yourself to decompress and you could avoid the trauma of nervous breakdown. I sure wish I had.